Ok, here's the truth (Sequel to All or Nothing)Darvey
by daveryship
Summary: Donna has been acting strange lately, Harvey thinks she's cheating. It can't be, it's impossible, but sure looks like it. And Harvey has got major issues about that. We all know that don't we? The truth? We don't know. (FYI, Harvey and Donna are married with kids, It happened in 'All or nothing.)
1. Chapter 1

**All or nothing sequel-**

 **Ok here the truth.-Chapter 1**

 **Donna has been acting strange lately. Harvey thinks she's cheating. It can't be, it's impossible, but sure looks like it. You may read it without reading the first story, I'm sure it would still make sense. Just assume Harvey and Donna are married with kids now. Though I would think you may want to know how they got there. Anyhoo, i hope you like and review.**

 **…..**

 **Holding you I held everything**  
 **For a moment wasn't I the king**  
 **But if I'd only known how the king would fall**  
 **Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all**  
 **And now I'm glad I didn't know**  
 **The way it all would end the way it all would go**  
 **Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain**  
 **But I'd of had to miss the dance.**

She had no idea how long she had been parked on that cliff. An hour? More? She couldn't tell. Her mind had taken flight. Taking her to a place where everything was bliss. Looking over their shoulders though; danger yes but exciting. She could take that danger anytime than this. She had no way of processing what she had just found out. It had been so out of the blue. God, with all the signs, she never suspected. She had never suspected.

It's been a year since they came back from Canada and everything had been going smoothly until recently. For all she knew all things were still as smooth for Harvey, but it would be strange to think that he had not picked up on some of her odd behaviour lately. She did try to hide, she was very good at that. She had been lying a lot lately, but she couldn't help but snort at herself. Sometimes some of her lies were quite lame.

She sighed. Harvey was caught up with trying to get the Firm afloat, tying to establish his place as the new head of the Firm. He was so busy, and she knew that he could really use her undivided attention right now. Ideally, she should be by his side even more than usual. Ideally.

It was all too much. The pressure at work, at home, it was somehow… it had become too much. She felt so tired lately. And the headaches, God, the headaches. The other day she was so out of it she forgot about an important Memo, which was not new of course, ever since that day many years ago when Jessica had to fire her. She had been extra careful with those kinds of things. She remembered it now, the recent incident. God, she had been so embarrassed.

 **Two weeks ago.**

 _"Donna!" Harvey had to shout to get her out of her reverie. She had jumped and looked at him in alarm. He must have been calling her for a while for him to yell like that._

 _"You don't have to yell Harvey. I can hear you just fine." She returned, annoyed._

 _Harvey just looked at her for a moment and decided to let it go. "The Memo Donna. Mike said you never gave it to him."_

 _"Memo?" She echoed confused. God, her head was killing her, but she had better not show it. She had to always show that she was on top of the game, never sick, never wrong, never weak. She was Donna. But she was finding it hard to concentrate._

 _"Yes Donna, the Memo." Harvey elaborated with exasperation. At Donna's continued blank stare Harvey grew concerned. "Honey, are you ok?"_

 _"Of course, I am ok, I just…" Then she remembered, the Memo. Crap. Did she give it to Mike or did she not? She seemed to remember the Memo, but she could not for the life of her think where she could have put it, if she did not give it to Mike._

 _"Donna, you know what that Memo is about. Where is it?"_

 _Alright, where was it? She wondered, staring at Harvey._

 _"Mrs Spector, I have distributed the Memo as you instructed me to. Sorry I had to do it a little late, Louis had me do something else." Gretchen stepped in her office saying. She looked apologetic at Harvey, then at Donna with that subtle smile._

 _"Gretchen you know how important that Memo is, next time tell Louis to go make a prunie or something. You're good at that." Harvey said in reprimand._

 _"I will make sure to do that Mr Spector." Gretchen said demurely and exited the office. Leaving Donna alone with Harvey._

 _Harvey turned to Donna and looked at her for a moment._

 _"What?" She asked defensively._

 _"Why didn't you give it to Mike like I had told you to?"_

 _"Harvey, Mike is now a Partner at this Firm, show the kid a little respect."_

 _"Since when do you want to give him a little respect?" Harvey asked jokingly._

 _"Plus, he was busy, I felt pity for him." She said with a return smile._

 _He continued to stare at her with a smile now tinged with a bit of concern. "Are you sure you're ok? You look a little…"_

 _"I'm fine Harvey. Now, I know for a fact that you have a meeting regarding that Memo in about ten minutes. And if I know Gretchen well she has everyone waiting for you in the conference room right now." She said._

 _He relented. "You are coming?" he asked._

 _"In a minute."_

 _He nodded and smiled at her, walking away._

 _She looked on at him as he walked away and sighed. She was not in her element today. Gretchen walked in at that time, giving her that look._

 _"Thanks for the save Gretchen." She said in appreciation._

 _"I got your back Mrs Spector. Mind telling me what's the matter? You haven't been yourself of late." Gretchen asked._

 _"I forgot one thing Gretchen. That doesn't make me senile." She retorted, a bit snappy._

 _"Oh, but you're 'the Donna'." Gretchen said, mockingly._

 _"The human. Donna." She had retorted, getting up to go for the meeting. Her hand on her temple because the headache was not giving up any._

 _"What about the time I caught you throwing your guts out in the ladies?" Gretchen persisted, looking at her suspiciously._

 _"Let it go already Gretchen." She didn't know what was wrong with her herself, but she didn't_ _appreciated people getting into her business like that._

 _"Are you pregnant Red?" Gretchen was not letting up._

 _She looked at her, shocked. "Really Gretchen? No, I am not pregnant. Seriously."_

 _Gretchen raised her hands in surrender. "Alright. I don't mean for you to go off on me like that, but maybe you should get that headache checked out. It could be something serious."_

 _Donna caved, "Thanks Gretchen, I know you mean well. And I will." She said in a calmer voice now then made her way to the meeting. The truth was, she had been scared to get checked out. She had been feeling weird for some time now, but she was not ready to find some answers. It could be nothing. She shook it off, again._

She had been right to have been apprehensive about a check up.

She sighed now and glanced at the time on her Dash. "Shit!" She exclaimed in horror. That was not the time. Surely not. But she knew it was.

"Shit" she said again. Not Crap! Or the usual lady like 'Shoot'. This was too big a mess, well worthy of a 'Shit'!

She had forgotten to pick up the kids.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys, here's chapter 2**

 **...**

Harvey didn't make a habit of taking his phone with him into a meeting. Especially an important meeting like this one. He was about to close one of his biggest deals since he took over the reins of the Firm. But he had a family now and he liked to be available whenever they needed him. Perks of fatherhood. Everything should be fine though. Donna had gone to collect the kids and by this time they should all be home. He often caught himself daydreaming about his family. He'd never get over the fact that he had them now, at all. And he never really got over the fear of ever losing them. That's why when he got that phone call he forgot to breathe. And of course, forgot that an answer was being demanded from him from the other end.

He had stepped out to answer the phone when he saw the caller ID was from his kids' school. Where he got the strength to get up and excuse himself from the meeting was something he would never really know. Because that caller ID had him thinking of all sorts of things before he could even answer thee phone. And none of it was good.

Turned out he was right.

"Mr Specter?" The voice on the other end said, questioning if he was still on the line. Albeit having called several times before Harvey finally found his voice.

"Yeah…uhm…I m still here. Um… you were saying?"

"Well, your kids have not yet been picked up and I was wondering if you were going to send someone or if either you or your wife are coming…."

"Donna…she didn't come to pick them up? Look, I'm sure you're mistaken because…"

"We have tried her phone Sir, but it's not going through. It's going straight to voice mail and …"

All kinds of things were going through his head now. Donna would never leave the kids for so long. Something happened. Something happened to Donna. Oh God.

He felt his heart drop and he had no idea what to do now. He was stuck in his mind. He couldn't move. Couldn't talk.

"Mr Specter?"

"Yeah, uh…I am coming to pick them up right now…just uhm…let me talk to my son please."

"Sure." He heard the voice say as if from a far away place. He waited for Jackson to come to the phone.

"Dad?" His son's small voice said on the other end and his heart clenched in that strange way he wasn't quite able to describe yet.

"Hey buddy. Are you and your sister ok." He asked anxiously. Thank God his youngest son Marcus was in kindergarten and would have an all-round baby sitter. But still.

"Yeah…we're fine Dad. I know you're busy and all but, I thought mom was the one coming to pick us up today. Did…did something happen…?" His son did try to sound so reasonable and grown up and was so sweet at his age. He was his dad's son alright. Taught to be the man of the house. He was his champ. And the down side of that was that the little guy was too smart he could read into situations as well as any grown up. And he couldn't be fooled with half backed answers. So, Harvey tried real hard to reassure him of something he wasn't quite sure of himself. Where was donna? God, he prayed nothing had happened to her. Because he didn't know how he could ever breathe again. He wouldn't know how.

"Of course, everything is fine champ. We just got a little busy and lost track of time, I'm sorry buddy. How is your sister? Let me talk to her." He said

The voice of his little girl came on the phone.

"Daddy?"

"Hey sweetie. I am so sorry pumpkin that we are picking you up so late. I'm coming to get you now, aright sweet heart?"

"Yes daddy. We'll be here." He could see her rolling her eyes in an 'where else are we going to go' way. She was so like her mother that way. He smiled and again that painful clench of his chest.

"Alright baby, daddy loves you ok?"

"love you too daddy."

"Alright give your brother the phone." And the phone was handed over unceremoniously to Jackson.

"Dad."

"Jackson buddy. I am going to be right there in a few minutes. Take care of your sister alright?"

"Yes dad."

"Alright buddy. I love you." Then he hung up and made his way to the Conference room.

"I'm sorry gents but Louis and Mike will have to take care of the rest here. I have got to go." He said to the confused faces of everyone in the room. He didn't even take the time to come fully into the room, he was half way out the door as he delivered his message.

Mike and Louis looked at each other and excused themselves briefly to go after Harvey.

He was already briskly walking in he corridor towards the elevators.

"Harvey, wait up." Mike said, making a half run after him.

"Can't Mike, I told you to take care of the things."

"Yeah, they can wait for a few minutes Harvey. Besides, they have already signed the contracts. The hard part is done, they are already in the bottle." He managed to stall him for a minute. "What's going on?" Mike asked in concern.

"It's uhm…uh…" He really was not breathing quite right, and Mike was standing in his way right now. He really had to get out of here and go get his kids. In the process trying to find out were the hell Donna was. He didn't stop speed dialling her even as her phone continually went to voice mail.

"Yeah, Harvey. What the hell is going on? How could you just leave a meting like that to do to, God only knows where. You know how important this meeting is and you… just because Jessica left you the reign you think you can run this Firm like your mama's kitchen. We're trying to…"

"Louis! Shut up, ok. Something's happened." Mike said, all this time he had not taken his eyes off Harvey and he could not miss the panicked look on his face, the way he was now tugging at his tie to try and breathe easy.

Louis paused mid-sentence and really looked at Harvey, considering what Mike had said. Harvey's family was his own. Yeah, they were like rival quarrelling brothers but, brothers they were. And if something had happed to Donna and the kids he would go lock himself in a room and never come out. Especially what he had just said to Harvey just now. And he was extra miffed at how Mike was always the one to read Harvey better than he could. The guy was literally sweating now, how could he not have seen that?

"Harvey…I'm so sorry. Don't tell me something happened to …"

"Its …its nothing Louis just…uh…"

"Harvey you're not ok. What happened?" Mike asked again, even more concerned.

"Uh…I'm not sure. It's just…Donna didn't pick up the kids and…she left here…she was the one who was supposed to pick them. I just…maybe she forgot or…or got it all mixed up or…or something." Even as he said it he knew how unlikely that was. Donna never forgot anything, let alone her own kids. But lately she had been a bit off. However, to forget her own kids? No way. Something had happened, and he could see the answering reasoning on Mike and louse's faces. They didn't think so either. That meant something had happened. Something bad. And now he really couldn't breathe.

"What can I do Harvey?' Louis asked anxiously.

"Its nothing Louis just …take care of the deal for me."

"You got it." Louis said with that manly nod of his then turned to walk back into the conference room.

Mike stayed with him however, unmoving.

"Mike, you too. I need you to…"

"Louis can take care of it. Let's go find Donna."

And that support he offered was what he needed. 'Cause right now he was surprised he could even think. He may need someone.

He relented and let him tag along.

He rushed to his car, Mike in tow and told Ray to drive him to his kids' school.

His kids were the only ones left at the school he was sure, it was so quiet. He rushed to the teacher's office where he had been directed and he found them, sitting there. Quiet.

His kids were never quiet, especially these two, the twins. He could see they were worried.

They both rushed to him and clung to his legs.

"Heyyy. I'm here. Were you scared?" he asked, consoling them.

His son would have come back with an 'I am never scared', as usual. But this time he just looked around.

"Where's mom?"

And Harvey didn't have an answer for that one. He had no idea where their mother was, and he was going insane with the horror pictures finding their way into his mind. Could she have been in an accident? He could picture her lying unconscious in a wrecked car. Blood all over. And he almost had a heart attack. Or could she have been kidnapped? Harvey had a lot of enemies, now more than ever that he had managed to screw a lot of people over before running away to Canada. Now more than ever that he had someone, people, a family they could hold over him. They could make him do whatever they wanted. Please God, he would do whatever. Please just let her be safe.

"Oh, here she is." Mike said in relived surprise and in answer to Jackson's questioned.

They all looked to see Donna hurriedly walking into the building. She looked flustered and out of breath and panicked.

"Donna." Harvey said in relief. She was ok. God, she was standing right there in front of him, alive. As if in answer to his prayers. He could finally breathe.

"I'm so so sorry Harvey, I didn't …I didn't realize…"

"What the hell happened Donna?" Harvey hissed at her, trying to avoid fighting in front of their children. Because as much relieved as he was, he realised he was perfectly pissed. What the hell happened for her to forget to pick up the kids? Making him go crazy with worry thinking that something had happened to her.

"Harvey, can...can we not do this right now? I just…" then she went ahead to hug her kids as if her life depended on it. Harvey realized that something had indeed happened. He felt guilty for yelling at her when she had walked in instead of holding her so tight she wouldn't be able to breathe. Not to kill her of course. Though for a moment the thought had crossed his mind. God, he had never felt so scared in his life. Well, there had been a few moments but this one was sure going onto the bucket list.

"I'm sorry baby." Harvey said as he took her into his arms and kissed her softly. "I'm sorry, I just…I panicked."

"I'm sorry too Harvey. I'll explain latter." She said, but she had no idea what's she was going to come up with to explain this. The truth was, she had forgotten her kids. And she could never be able to forgive herself no matter what the cause or reason. They thanked the teacher for staying with their kids and she was so grateful. But she was not about to tell Harvey the truth.

….


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3.**

 **Hey guys, here's another one .I hope you like and review.**

 **...**

 **Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you've ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie. **Lucas OTH.****

 ** **...****

He didn't buy it. That excuse for an explanation, mumbo jumbo she had given him. How she had lost track of time when she had met up with a long-time friend, and forgot to pick up the kids. Really? Donna had never lied to him, had never had any cause to. Now he wondered though, if all of it was all an act. He really didn't want to jump to conclusions but, she was clearly lying. He knew his wife well enough, and that meant he knew when she was lying. This time she was. And she apologized for forgetting the kids. Though she also forgot to provide the name of the long-time friend who made her forget her own kids. Her phone was off the whole time, there was no explanation for that one either.

He let it go. This time. This on its own, could just be one huge mistake. But coupled with the other incidents, he was uneasy.

He had no reason to be. But something was wrong. Donna was more absent minded these days, he would catch her daydreaming several times during the day. Mood wings were a bit more frequent than even when she was pregnant. Something was wrong. He could not put a finger on it, but other people were noticing that too.

It had been a week since the incident, everything was back to normal. At least on the surface.

At home everything was as should be. Well, the past few days Donna had been a bit withdrawn. Not so much it was obvious but enough that her husband would notice. He would ask if anything was wrong and he would get a cut 'no' or an excuse of some sort. Now though, the situation was a bit different. Maybe Donna had got her head back into the game after the kids' incident. Now she was the most attentive wife you could ever ask for. Things couldn't be better, except they were not. Harvey knew that with a strange feeling of dread. Somehow, it felt like she was leaving, like she wanted to make the most of the time they had or something. Why?

Now he looked at her as she was preparing dinner. He wanted to ask but if Donna didn't want to say anything then she didn't want to say anything. And now he was beginning to think that it was something she could not tell him.

She looked up at him then.

"Hey honey. I didn't know you were back. Come help me with the table, dinner is ready." She said cheerfully at him and he just grinned and moved towards her, putting his arms around her he kissed her.

"I didn't announce myself because you create such a sight standing there looking all house wifely. I couldn't get my eyes off you." He said

She didn't look him in the eyes, but she stayed in his arms, drawing a pattern on his suit jacket absently.

"I love you. Harvey. So much." She said, almost sadly.

"I love you too. Are you ok?"

"Why? Can't I say I love you to my husband anymore? Come on. Help me with dinner." She said dismissively and walked to the dining room. The kids were already sited.

Harvey followed, with some of the dishes. These days it was Christmas all the time. Donna only made his favourite dishes, and the kids got their treats too.

He commented on it now as they sat to eat after Rosy had said Grace.

"Wow, how about save some for Christmas and Thanks Giving Donna. At this rate you're gonna run out of ideas when Christmas comes." He said jokingly.

"Every day is a special occasion Harvey. You don't have to wait for Christmas to have a good family time. Now dig in."

"Yes maam" He said with a smile.

Everything seemed great, on the surface. And he wasn't one to dig too deep, especially when he knew he wouldn't want to know the answer.

So, he let it all go. He was getting paranoid. Mistakes happen, even with Donna. And she was probably feeling guilty about that incident that now she was over compensating. And work was piling more pressure on him. Of course, it wasn't going to be easy to take the reign of the Firm without Jessica and now that he was a family man, it was obviously harder than what he would have expected.

Then Donna's phone rang, and she looked at the caller ID. Her face went a little pale before she excused herself from the table.

And there it was. Another clue. Donna was being secretive and that had Harvey on edge. He had never suspected Donna of anything and he hated this feeling now. But why did she suddenly excuse herself from the table like that to answer that phone? Maybe it was nothing, he was being paranoid right now. He had to have his head examined for even thinking like that about Donna.

Then she came back to the table, smile in place. If that wasn't as fake as a Chinese diamond ring from Tony's pawn shop then he didn't know what was.

"That was Rachel." She said in explanation. "She wanted some advice on something."

And that was a lie right there. Didn't she know he knew her too well by now. What the hell was she hiding?

He just nodded accepting the explanation, for now.

But the atmosphere had changed. And when she picked up her fork to eat her hand was shaking. It was just a little tremor, but he noticed.

Then an image came into his mind at that moment. His mother.

He remembered how she would smile at that dinner table and serve them the best meals when their dad was around. It had been guilt. She had been compensating for when she was binging another man into his father's bed when he was out on tour with his Jazz band.

Harvey had unfortunately found that out too early. He had never enjoyed those conciliatory dinners after that. It was such a loss, because they were good.

The secrets only he knew, as his mother shot him daggers at the dinner table. Or smile at him encouragingly to eat up. And he could not act up because he would be damned if he ever let his oblivious dad find out.

The secrets, the lies and excuses would just make him snort from the inside, because he couldn't do it out loud. Least his dad found out.

And he remembered they had a picnic the day before their mother left them with another man. His dad had had no clue, like a fool he had been so obliviously happy that day. It was the last they saw her laughing with their dad. All happy families. All fake.

He was crazy. How could he even suspect Donna would do that to him. To their beautiful safe little family. She would never.

"Hey, why don't we take a vacation somewhere. Say for a few days. It's been a while hasn't it. We could go to some place nice. I'm sure Louis will not let the Firm collapse if you were to take a few days off. What do you say?" She asked with that smile on her face. And his stomach dropped, he was sure he was going to lose his dinner.

"Sure honey. Let's do that." Then he stood up to leave the table. "I have a terrible headache, I think I'm gonna turn in early tonight.

"Good night daddy."

"Good night sweet heart." He said to his little girl first as he kissed her good night. Then little Marcus. Jackson wasn't big on kisses anymore. Or hugs for that matter. So, he just ruffled his hair.

…..

She didn't know what to do. She had two options, and both were equally bad,. She could either take a chance and risk losing everything, or she could just lose everything without a fight. Harvey was starting to get suspicious, she could not blame him. He was the one person she could not bear to talk to about this, yet he was the one person she needed the most. She could not tell him. She got up from her desk and went to the bathroom.

The helplessness of it all weighed on her shoulders she just found herself leaning weakly against the wall. Tears started streaming down her face. She didn't know what to do. God help her, she had nowhere to turn.

Someone walked into the bathroom at that moment and she quickly got off the floor and turned to the basin before whoever had come in could catch her on the floor crying her eyes out.

"Donna hey…oh my God, Donna are you crying?" Rachel asked in concern.

"No. I'm fine Rachel. I just had something in my eye, I'm washing it off."

"Donna. Come on. It's me. Please talk to me. What's going on?"

She wanted to tell Rachel, so much. But she couldn't. So, she just continued to wash her face, then took out her makeup kit to cover up.

"Donna, you have to tell me. Something's been strange with you lately. Harvey just asked me if I had lunch with you yesterday and i had to lie to him Donna. What's going on? Why do I have to cover for you with Harvey like that?"

"Thanks Rachel…for covering for me but it's nothing. Really. I'd tell you if there was something wrong. Right now, I just need to…I need to get outa' here. So…cover for me again, please. Thank you."

She hastily made her way out leaving Rachel gaping after her in shock. She didn't care. She made her way to her car and drove off. She had no idea where.

Harvey didn't see donna go out, but he almost bumped into Rachel in the corridor.

"Whoa...hey. Rachel, are you ok?"

"Uh…Harvey." She blanched, she looked shaken. "Yeah…uh…everything…"

"Have you seen Donna. I've been looking for her…"

"Oh…yeah…Donna. Uh… she's uh…gone out."

"Out?"

"Yeah uh…she's meeting a friend."

"A friend. Ha." Harvey said. "Do you happen to know…?"

Suddenly Donna's phone rang. She had forgotten her phone in her office. Again, strange but, thank God for that because Rachel wasn't sure she could go on lying to Harvey, who was giving her that look.

The moment they heard Donna's phone ring in her office, Harvey turned and went in to answer it. Rachel breathed with relief for a moment.

Harvey walked into Donna's office and took her cell phone from her desk. Private number. The damned private number. He didn't want to pry on his wife's business, but he had to know.

He answered it and it was a male voice on the other end. His insides went cold.

…..

Donna found herself parked outside Pastor Henry's Church. She had gone there for council many times, but not about this. She walked in and lucky for her, he was there. He looked at her and the look in his eyes was that of sympathy. He could tell she was troubled. Well, of course he would, because the evidence was all over her face. Al the while she had been driving, she had not realized that she had been crying.

"Mrs Specter." He said as he took her in. "You look troubled. What's going on?"

"I…I just…I need someone to talk to."

"Sure. Why don't you sit down and talk to me. Start from the beginning." The Pastor encouraged.

Donna settled down and leaned forward to speak in confidence to the Pastor.

"I... I just…I don't know what to do. I've been lying to my husband."

…

 **See you in a bit.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok,here's the truth-Chp 4**

...

 **Hey guys, it's been so long. Thanks to a good friend BiaAylesworth for giving me a nudge. Thanks to all of you for the reviews so far. A reveiw can go a long way fro a writer.**

 **I hope you like this chapter. I hope to hear from you.**

 **Cheers!**

...

 **Sweet is it, sweet is it**

 **To sleep in the coolness**

 **Of snug unawareness**.

...

Harvey got home earlier than Donna again that night. Since the time she had left her phone at the office and took off to God only knew where, she had not been back yet. Did she even realize she had forgotten her phone at the office? And as the time ticked off Harvey's mood swelled down from majorly pissed to worried. Where was she? Was she ok? Had she been in an accident? He started pacing, at the same time not wanting to alarm his kids who thankfully at that moment had eaten dinner which had been cooked by the house help and now the waited for mommy to come home. Who, according to daddy, was delayed at a meeting. He was starting to feel like his father. The husband who was left with the kids while the wife was out somewhere screwing some dude. No. Donna would never do that to him. She would never…

Then he remembered the 'friend' who had called on Donna's phone that afternoon. The male friend who had called on her private line and had been evasive about his name. He remembered when answering that damned private call.

 _"Hello, this is Mrs Spector's phone." He had said, to make it clear._

 _"Oh, hi. I was meaning to speak to Donna…I mean…Mrs Spector." The voice on the other end said._

 _"Too bad, she's left her phone with me."_

 _"Oh, I see."_

 _"And you would be?"_

 _"A friend. My name is Andrew. I take it I'm speaking to Mr Spector?"_

 _"That's correct. What kind of friend exactly. I've never heard of you before." Harvey hated asking, hated being the insecure husband but he would not lie to himself, right now he was._

 _"Let's just say I'm helping her with something. I'm sure she'll mention me sooner or later. Anyways, it was nice talking to you. I'll try and call her later."_

The guy then hung up. Harvey wanted to call him back, but one, it was a private call and he didn't want to come across as the jealous insecure guy. So, he vented all his frustrations on everyone in the office. If you so much as left a paper in the copier he would jump on you like a wounded cat with all it's hackles out. Until Mike convinced him to take a break and go out for an early drink with him. He had to talk to Donna. This cat and mouse game was not helping.

He waited now, having put the kids to sleep, at last they had agreed to go to bed. They were tired of waiting for their mom too. He sat in his living room, on the couch, phone in hand. His mind venturing between pissed and worried. Should he call the police? Make them put a BOLO on her? He knew the 24hr rule, but he was a lawyer and he knew he could twist some's arms around. For goodness' sake, his wife was missing! Probably lying dead in a car wreck somewhere. With that thought he stood up, started to pace, and then put the call through. He didn't care anymore.

The call was answered.

"Yeah,hello…can I speak to Detective Malloy please. Tell him its Harvey Specter."

The call was put on hold while they looked for his good friend Detective Derek Malloy. He held on impatiently, tapping his foot as he leaned his back against the wall, facing the door.

"Hey Harvey."' A grumpy voice said on the other end.

"Hey, I need a huge favour Derek. Donna is…" before he could finish that sentence the door was opened and Donna walked in. The relief he felt almost had his knees going under, but they were probably held up by the fury that surged through him at the same time.

"Harvey? You still there?" Derek asked on the other end of the line.

"Never mind Dereck, it's all good now." Harvey said and unceremoniously cut off the phone call.

"Harvey…"

"Donna what the hell?! Do you know who I was with on the phone right now? The police! I was asking them to put a BOLO on your head. Just what the hell is going on with you?"

"I'm sorry…"

"Really Donna? I don't think sorry is going to cut it this time. Talk."

"I…uh.." Donna walked to the couch and sat down, probably trying to calm the situation down. But Harvey was not having any of it. He remained standing.

"I'm sorry." She said again.

"You've already said that." Harvey said, unmoving, but he made a point of lowering his voice, mindful of the kids sleeping upstairs. He waited for an answer. What pre-packaged answer had she prepared for him this time? Something rehearsed, like 'oh, I lost track of time while I was out with a friend', or was it the, 'I took the wrong highway' bullshit that she had fed him a couple of weeks ago? Which was it this time? And who was goddamned Andrew?

"I just…I…lost my phone and I…"

"You drove around looking for it? Is that what you're going to say to me Donna. Is that the best you can come up with right now?" Harvey asked, pissed. "You left your phone at the office, Donna."

She looked up at him, eyes wide, surprised, frightened. Then her eyes started darting around, as if looking for an escape. With all the lies she had told him so far, if her eyes could stop darting around and remain steady for once he would have believed her. But it seemed as good an actor as his wife was, she could not look him in the eye when she lied. That was a dead giveaway.

And she was lying right now. And he was so done with it.

"Who's Andrew Donna?" Harvey thundered. Though he tried to maintain a low voice, he so wasn't calm about it.

What?" donna asked, confused.

"Who's goddamn Andrew?!" He almost yelled but managed a dangerous hiss.

"He's… he's a friend Harvey, don't yell at me." She was trying to get into her, 'I'm Donna Paulsen and nobody talks down at me' persona, but it was harder to slip into when she was feeling guilty. Harvey knew her too well, so he brushed her off.

"Who's Andrew Donna?" He asked again, this time calmly.

"How do you know Andrew?" Donna asked, eyes wide.

"He called your phone. And I answered it." He dared her to admonish him for answering her private phone. Because that had never been a rule before. Until recently when she started secretive behaviour.

"What…what did he say?" She was now visibly shaking.

"He told me to ask you. Now I'm asking, as your husband, who the hell is Andrew?"

"He's …uhm...," There were tears in her eyes as she failed to answer him. That was it, he wasn't going to wait for another second to hear his wife tell him that Andrew was the new man in her life. He was so out'a here. He walked past Donna to go to their bedroom. Took out a bag from the closet and started packing.

She followed him in and stood frozen at the door. Oh, yeah, this was happening. He would walk out first and then they could discuss paternity rights in court. He was not going to be his father, no way. He was not going to just stand there and let Donna rip out his heart just like that. At least he was not about to let her know how much damage she had caused. He still had a little pride to salvage. He should have never given in to his emotions, should have never backed down. Now look, like father like son. He had known it all along. If people knew you cared, they would walk right all over you. He had thought he had learned a lesson from his Dad. For the longest time he had been able to protect himself. Until Donna had broken down all his defences and left him with no rope to hold onto. He had been foolish to think that she would be different. He had been helpless with her, and she had used it against him while he was down and out, true to form.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking stricken.

"What does it look like Donna? I'm getting out of your way so that you and Andrew can have a nice life. The bitch of it Donna is that, I never saw it coming. Never for a second…"

"Harvey stop." Donna said, moving to still his moving packing hands. They looked at each other now, chests heaving, hearts vulnerable, throats constricted with a pain that was only too evident in their eyes. "It's not what you think." She whispered earnestly, all the truth in her eyes.

"Then tell me what it is?"

"I…I…I've …Andrew is head of Oncology at Med West Hospital." She said that as if it explained everything. It didn't. Harvey continued to look at her for an answer. Something along the lines of, 'he's an old friend who's a doctor and… whatever crap else.

"He's helping me." She said

"Helping you with what, Donna?"

"I've …I've got a tumour Harvey. In my brain. It's…it's malignant and…"

Harvey had lost her at tumour. His hart might have just stopped beating when she said that word. He wondered how he was still standing there. No. No this was not happening. He looked into her eyes and they were looking straight at him this time. This was none of her cloak and dagger moves. This was real, and God, did he wish she was cheating on him.

"Harvey? Baby I…"

"No. No way."

"I tried to tell you but, I couldn't. I tried to do it on my own and just maybe save you from the trouble of having to…I don't know. I just thought I could…fix it."

Of all the darkest scenarios he had thought of in his life, this had never been it. And this was just too dark he couldn't see which way was up.

"They say, it can't be fixed and I…I've got six months to live. I'm sorry Harvey." She said brokenly.

No, no no no! Harvey didn't know how he got out of that house, all he knew was that he couldn't breathe. No, he really couldn't breathe. So he ran and ran and ran until he found himself at the beach somewhere, not quite sure how he got there. He was heaving, his whole body ached with the torturous run he had exerted on himself, but still he couldn't breathe. He had nowhere to go, nowhere to look, every wall seemed to be closing in on him. So he looked up, and screamed. God, you can't do this. Not like this. His legs gave out and he found himself sitting on the ground, struggling to breathe.

…

 **Looking back on the memory of**  
 **The dance we shared beneath the stars above**  
 **For a moment all the world was right**  
 **How could I have known you'd ever say goodbye**  
 **And now I'm glad I didn't know**  
 **The way it all would end the way it all would go**  
 **Our lives are better left to God, I could have missed the pain**  
 **But I'd have to miss the dance**

 **…**

 **See you soon.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5.**

 **Hey guys, its been a while but here's another one. I hope you like. Cheers.**

 **Watching the sky**  
 **Changing colors colliding tonight**  
 **Till I'm under a blanket of stars**  
 **Can't help wondering where you are**  
 **Where you are**

 **The darker it gets**  
 **The more I can see it**

 **When you're alone**  
 **And don't know when the night will end**  
 **Just remember it's never too long**  
 **So be strong**  
 **'Cause there's always a ray of hope-aiming for hope (David Archuleta)**

...

As soon as Harvey went out of the house Donna called Rachel. She really didn't know anyone else to call and Rachel was her best friend. Besides, since she had already told Harvey, who had not taken it well- to say the least, she might as well tell Rachel. At last now she didn't have to carry this alone. She had needed to tell someone, but couldn't.

The call was answered on the other end and Donna went blank, she didn't have any words, she was stuck not knowing where to start.

"Donna? Donna are you there? Rachel enquired, a little concerned now since Donna wasn't saying anything.

Then Donna just broke down and started to cry.

"Donna where are you? Are you home?"

Donna nodded, not caring that Rachel couldn't see her answer, but Rachel got it anyway because next she said, "Stay right there, I'm on my way."

Then Donna just dropped the phone and sat on the floor crying.

It would at least take Rachel and Mike close to half an hour to get to her,not factoring in the traffic which would still be crazy at this time of night. So, Donna just sat there and cried. She didn't know how much time must have passed before Rachel and Mike walked through the door, they didn't need to knock.

"Donna, oh my God, what happened? Where's Harvey?" Mike said, looking around. He knew Harvey would not just leave his wife like this crying on the floor. Unless the truth finally came out and Donna had really been cheating on Harvey as Harvey had suspected, but Mike highly doubted it. Neither one of these two would cheat on the other, they were too in love with each other to even look at anyone else that way. No, something else was wrong here, something big.

Rachel just crouched down and took Donna in her arms, shushing her as she began to cry again. Donna never cried like that. Rachel had never even seen her cry, except for this morning in the bathroom when she had rushed out and never seen again until now. What the hell was going on? She feared to think the worst.

Mike crouched down too, resting his hand on Donna shoulder and left her to cry all she wanted.

After a while she took control of herself and stood up, being helped by Mike and Rachel on either side. They walked her to the couch and she took a seat.

None of them said anything as they both took seats on either side of her and waited anxiously for her explanation.

"Uh…" Donna sniffed then started again. "I really wish I could say it's nothing guys, don't worry about it but…" She laughed a little, "It's really not…'nothing' this time." She composed herself a little more, while Rachel and Mike just waited on her to finish, they didn't interrupt her with meaningless comfort words.

"I…uh…turns out I've got a brain tumour guys, size of a golf ball sitting on my brain and it seems it can not be removed."

She ignored Rachel and Mike's shocked indrawn breaths, she had to go on and not lose her nerve now. "I've just told Harvey and he…he didn't take it well, let's just say."

"Oh my God, Donna." Rachel just took her in her arms again, tears streaming down her cheeks. Donna held on to her, taking in the comfort, the support.

Mike had dropped his own head in his hands now in despair. In a low voice he said, "Oh God, I'm so sorry Donna." After a while he remembered the real reason Donna was crying. "Where's Harvey now?"

"I don't know where he's gone…he… I don't know how to reach him…he's so…" Donna felt like breaking down again at the thought of Harvey's reaction.

"I can go look for him." Mike said, standing up.

"No, no…let me. I think I know where he might be. Where he always goes when he's troubled." Donna said, standing up with a little bit more purpose now.

"Are you sure…"

"Yeah, yes I'm sure. I need to talk to him. Just please stay and keep an open ear for the kids will you?"

"Yeah sure, just be careful Donna."Rachel said.

"I will." She said,then she walked out. She knew with certainty where he would be and after about half an hour of walking, she reached the lake. He was easy to spot at this time of night. He was that lone figure sitting alone on a bench facing the lake.

She approached quietly and sat next to him, Harvey didn't even turn to look at her and she didn't say anything. For a while they just stared out at the lake in silent contemplation.

"I'm sorry." Donna said started.

"There's no need to be sorry Donna, just tell me it isn't true." Harvey pleaded, then he turned on the bench to look at Donna and she could not stand the despair in his eyes she looked away, tears stinging her eyes again. She had to talk to him, be his strength and not start crying.

Harvey at the look in Donna's eyes knew he wasn't going to get the answer he was looking for, he turned away too, his eyes stinging. He had to be strong for her. Help her through this not be the one to start crying, he chided himself.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, come here." Harvey said, closing the gape to take Donna in his arms. He held her fiercely close and Donna held on too as if for dear life, and like that, together they let the tears flow. The fear, the regret, the denial, the pain, all of it they just let it all out. Then after a long while they let go and now Donna was ready to talk. Ready to explain herself fully.

"I'm not giving up Harvey. I don't care what the doctors said, I'm going to fight."

Harvey nodded, his hands intertwined with Donna's but he simply could not believe in what she was saying this time. Yes, she was Donna but how could she beat this? How could anyone beat this? They had said it was inoperable, that she only had 6 months to live. There was no hope.

"I'm going to fight this Harvey, and I'm going to beat this," she said again, but she could see that he did not believe her.

She had had the same reaction when she had been talking to Pastor Henry just that afternoon. She thought the man was not very bright, here she was, explaining everything to him in tears, giving him even the time limit she had, and then he just went on and said. 'You can beat it Donna. You can get through this."

Donna had looked at him, angry. "Pastor Henry if you're going to say pray it away I'm gonna…'

 _"Why has that become so taboo a word and sometimes so empty and cliché that some cringe at the mention of it. I swear this generation has more faith in Wi-Fi connectivity than in God."_

 _"Pastor Henry, the doctors said I had 6 months to live." Donna emphasized._

 _"I know what the doctors said, but what do you say?'_

 _"What do I say?" Donna asked incredulously, she shouldn't have come here. The man was trying to give her hope and she didn't need that right now. She needed the truth. That she only had six months and she was going to leave her family because of a damned brain tumour. That's the truth she already knew, that's the truth she needed to hear again from this man, to help her face reality. Not cotton candy words._

 _Then Pastor Henry proceeded to take a blue fluorescent lamb and lit it over his white table cloth. Of course, with florescent light the colour changed to blue._

 _"What colour is this thing?' Pastor Henry asked._

 _"What…the original colour or the colour that's there now?" Donna asked, confused._

 _"Whichever. What colour do you see?" Pastor Henry asked again. Now Pastor Henry wasn't your typical white collar, easy, nice pastor. He was a good man, but he was like a drill sergeant sometimes. Unapologetic, real and firm. He would have made a great football coach, or an army commander. He had served in the army in his younger days. Not that he was old, white hair and all that. No, he was actually still quite young, good looking too. He still looked army tough._

 _"Well the cloth has turned blue but…its really white, pastor is there a point to this science lesson?" Donna said in exasperation._

 _"When you were told about that tumour, what changed about you at that moment?" Pastor Henry persisted._

 _"Nothing, just that, now I knew…"_

 _"You knew nothing Donna. You chose to believe what that light was telling you. The colour you show upon something, anything, changes your perception of it and therefore it becomes."_

 _'Are you trying to tell me that the doctors lied…?_

 _"I'm just saying, the doctors used their light to show you what colour that cloth was. But it is only the truth if you believe it is. Know that you can use your own light to define what colour of cloth that is. And you have a choice which one you're going to believe. Under this blue fluorescent light. Is this cloth blue or white? What do you chose?"_

 _Dona was dumb struck, she didn't want hope and this man was doing quite the wrong thing, so she just kept staring at him._

 _"You do have a say Donna. This is your body. Yours. You do have a say what you house in it. The Word of God says, 'The word of salvation is near you. It's in your mouth. The word of God is light. And it says you have dominion. It's the type of light, the type of words you use that will determine if you'll dominate or not. Are you going to let this evil cancer dominate you or are you going to kick it out of your house. No one can tell you that you're down and out except you. Jesus died for you to give you a say Donna. Are you going to let this imposter, this intruder tell out what to do with your house?"_

 _Donna felt like she was under a lecture from an angry baseball coach and all she wanted to do was say 'yes Sir' and salute. She wanted to believe. God, she really did. More than anything to believe there was still something she could do rather than cower and just let what will be, be. Instead of just accepting without a fight. But there was nothing to fight, the fight had already been lost and she had been given her verdict, 6 months. And frankly, she didn't have the strength to fight, the zero chances of winning had left her completely helpless. She wanted to hope but ...the evidence…the doctors had said…it was just impossible. It just couldn't be done._

 _"Information is light, the word you have on any situation is your light, a type of light. It is in the area you know that you have a chance to win, depends on what you know. Don't perish because of lack of knowledge. What colour is this clothe? What colour do you see?" Captain Pastor Henry kept on drilling._

 _Donna looked at him, saw the hopeful look in his eyes. He really believed this crap, this unbelievable stuff. She wanted to believe him too but she quickly knocked some sense into herself. She had to face reality. She squared her shoulders and looked pastor Henry regrettably in the eyes, as if she was letting down a hopeful child she said,"Right now Pastor, it's blue." Then Donna picked up her bag dejectedly and went back home. Ready now to tell Harvey that she was going to die in six months. What Pastor Henry had said was just a false colour, too good to be true. too unrealistic. What the doctors had said was the truth. The evidence was there._

What was the truth though? What was real. Who said what was real was real. Pastor Henry had shown her a bible verse that just came to her now as she thought. 2 Corinthians 4vs 18- 'For we fix out eyes not on the things which are seen, but on the things which are not seen. Since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.'

It was like a riddle but she understood it, to her surprise. And it came to her at that moment like a light, and she could see a ray of hope in a situation where they had said was hopeless. With it came the renewed energy of all was not lost, the strength to take a stand, and the words that had come out of her mouth. She was going to fight this, or she'll go down swinging.

She sat now, looking at Harvey, seeing how he had aged in a matter of hours. Pastor Henry's words rang true in her head. Right now if she were to tell Harvey that it had all been a bad joke his whole demeanour would change. His shoulders from dropped to square, his eyes from the dead light to alive. It would be like a whole weight would have been lifted off his shoulders, In a matter of minutes. Because that is how long it took to drop those shoulders after he had heard the news. Minutes.

 _"It's the information, the word, the light you shine upon a thing that changes your perspective of it. The word of God says you have dominion over all things, even more so your own body. It's your house. You have got to have a say what happens to your house. Are you going to allow that imposter, that evil intruder to stay in your house?"_

"If I lose this fight, I want you to know that I lived a good life and it was all because of you." She said with renewed energy. "It may be one hell of a fight but I've got to have a say on who I house in my Goddamned house! "It's my house!" Donna said

Harvey just looked at her, ok, this was a brain tumour right? Figures. Donna would likely go a bit delusional, maybe even a bit mad. He had to be prepared for it.

...

 **If there's a way**  
 **A way to clear all these clouds**  
 **I'd show you how**  
 **There are always signs**  
 **Right above you**  
 **Made of lights, burning bright**

 **And the darker it gets**  
 **The more you can see it**

 **When you're alone**  
 **And don't know when the night will end**  
 **Just remember it's never too long**  
 **So hold on**  
 **Cause there's always a ray of hope**

 **...**

 **See you in a bit.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 **Hey guys! I know it's been a while, sorry. I hate writing about Donna sick or any kind of morbid story, that's why it took me a while to write this part. But i hope you are still there and your response will help me finish it. I'll try and update more regularly from now.**

 **...**

 **Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul - and sings the tunes without the words - and never stops at all.- Emily Dickinson**

 **...**

It had been a week since Donna had revealed the news to Harvey. He was still in a fog, it seemed. Quite numb, still. It hadn't sunk in yet, he just felt really numb. He really didn't know where to look, who to turn to for help. He talked to Marcus, his brother had gone through it too and had survived.

It didn't help much. He had never been saddled with something like this before. He had no idea where to start. Not even Donna's time in prison and their run to Canada had felt like this. Because even then Harvey always had a plan. He never stopped until he had tried everything, and he had tried everything to the point of crewing up every friendship he had had, turning them into enemies, just as long as he could have Donna. It had been within his power and control to throw away his life and every achievement he had for her. He had done so and he had never regretted it. He would do anything for his family. He would give his own life for Donna. That he knew he would do without any hesitation. Hell, right now he would beg God to put the damn tumor on him instead. He'd give anything to be in her place right now, because it was certainly worse to be on the other side. To be the one to lose not the one lost. He was selfish that way, he would rather be the one lost than to lose Donna or any of his kids. But fate wasn't kind, and he just didn't know how to deal with it. He would pray but he really didn't know how. He would just be too disappointed if it didn't work. Right now, he was trying to accept the situation so that he could deal, not add hope and faith to the whole thing. It would just hurt too much if it doesn't work. He'd lose whatever little faith he had left, and he couldn't just risk his heart again like that. His only play was to now try and shield his heart as best he could. Denial wasn't faith but, he was rather good at denial. Old habits die hard.

….

Donna wished she had never told Harvey the bad news. She had known he wouldn't take it well, but this was beyond what she had expected. Maybe she should have just gone on lying and hiding, they had been doing quite well enough two weeks ago. Everyone else oblivious of the fact that she was sick and dying. Without the dark cloud of that information, their lives had been perfect. It just took an instant, brought by knowledge, to cover their sun with darkness.

The kids had not been told yet but the trusted few at work had. Louse could almost shed a tear each time he saw her now, threatening to make her prunie, but she would decline politely each time. And no, he would not stop with just a prunie, he came up with all sorts of healthy eating habits; need she mention weird? One could only wonder where he got these ideas. The first day she told him, he had cried and hugged her for so long.

Gretchen had gone through it too and had come out the winner. She was a constant source of strength for Donna, but really, no one case was the same. And hers was said to be malignant. She only had too options at this stage, have surgery and get the thing removed, or just wait to die. The surgery sounded like the obvious option, but it had a catch, of course. Was anything ever easy? The tumor was sitting on one brain cell that could cause serious problems if tempered with. She could still die from the surgery or became a vegetable after that, chances of survival were less than 30%.

She thought she had gained some faith, but it was shaved off each day. Her kids were oblivious that mommy could be dying in less than six months. How could she tell them that? She hadn't told her dad yet. What could she say to him?

But Harvey, God Harvey was the worst for it. Seeing Harvey now, what he had become in a space of a week, made her wary of sharing anymore the 'good news'. He had mopped around for a day or two and then he stopped. He became a statue of some sort. He was there but he really wasn't. Tried so hard to distance his heart from the situation. He'd act all normal around the kids, act like all was still perfect with his world. He'd go to work as usual, play with the kids and avoid her the best way he could. But at night he'd hold her so tight as if he was afraid she would disappear at any moment.

Donna knew what it was, fear. She had it too. His amour was up again, but it was really a damage amour at best. He was trying to shield himself from the blow by trying to keep himself from her, try and love her less, to cushion the blow. At the same time, he couldn't hold on to her tighter if he tried.

But time was moving, and they had a choice to make, which was no choice at all, really. Have the surgery or go on with their short lives as if everything was normal, treasure whatever time they had left just being with each other.

Donna knew which option she would take, spend as much time as she could being with her family. But it was too short. Six months was the shortest time in the world. Having a surgery might give her a longer life or cut it shorter still. Harvey didn't want to talk about it. And she dreaded seeing the pained look in his eyes whenever she tried to broach the subject. But they didn't have a lot of time, it had been a week already.

She didn't want to be greedy, but God, six months was too little time. It was just too short. She looked up,

"Give me strength. Give me strength to accept this. I don't wait too be greedy." She whispered in prayer.

 _'What colour is it is?!'_ She could hear Pastor Henry bellowing at her.

'It's white…it's blue…its…" She was frustrated.

 _'It's whatever colour you want it to be._ '

'Right.' She said is frustrated sarcasm.

 _"Get up and fight! Kick that thing out of your house! It's your house!"_

She broke down and cried. She wanted to fight. She wanted her whole life with her husband and her kids for the longest time and six months was not. She wanted to see her kids grow up. She wanted to attend graduations and weddings. She wanted to see her grandchildren. But there was some alien in her body trying to take that all away. And she had no idea how to fight.

God was so great and far away, at least she had always thought that way. Some being too big to be involved in just one person's war when world peace was always threatened. But, Oh Great God, could he be small enough to see her now?

"Oh God", she muttered again; "I need your help. Please be close enough to hear me now."

….

See you in a bit, i hope.


End file.
